A few times over the years I put together a series of special playlists featuring my favorite kiss off songs. Despite what some may think, I’m really not that cynical. Rather, I just appreciate how some songwriters can tackle the topic with humor and bite. It’s kind of like a genre unto itself.
There have been a bunch of new gems in the time since the last edition so without further ado… adieu!
Do It Myself, Olivia Ellen Lloyd
Lloyd gets in a few licks like “please don’t ask me if you’re shallow when we both know that you are” before laying it out plain:
Don’t call me
Don’t cry to me
Don’t tell me I’m your friend
If you need me
If you miss me
Well I’m sorry
This is the end
The Less I Know, Julianna Riolino
If distance makes the heart grow fonder
My happiness would grow stronger
Longing for the places that you leave
Dead Weight, Maggie Rose
But you ain’t ever gonna be in my way
You ain’t ever gonna see the day
You could ever make me feel afraid
Of your sticks and stones, your box of bones
All you are is dead weight
Broken, Whitehorse
One day you gonna miss me
One day you gonna wake up cold
Then you’ll wish that you could kiss me
When you’re old and you’re alone
So cry if you want to
Ya, you can come undone
But you’ve gotta have a heart
To have a broken one
Glad You Did, Jade Bird
Guess it worked out, the only way that it could
When I was with you, it never made me feel good
Yeah, you made a mess of it, you let me slip right out your grip
You lost me, gone bit by bit, but I’m so glad you did
To Love You Is Good (Not To Is Better), Patton Magee
Cryin’ eyes in the rain once again fell into love’s funnel
I’ll realize it later but you did me a favor
Once my eyes have run dry and my boots have gotten wetter
To love you is good, not to is better
Taught By Experts, Paul Kelly
You say I play a cheating game
I never keep the rules the same
I learned a thing or two
What I learned, I learned from you
And it works
I was taught by experts
One Less Set of Footprints, Jim Croce
But tomorrow’s a dream away and today has turned to dust
Your silver tongue has turned to clay and your golden rule to rust
If that’s the way that you want it well that’s the way I want it more
Cause there’ll be one less set of footprints on your floor in the mornin’
Done, Lizzie No
I‘m done
Baby I’m done
We had a little history
We had a lot of fun
It?s hard to push a tire swing
When you’re sitting on one
But I got down
Felt the hard ground
And I’m done
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Taylor Swift
We are never, ever, ever gettin’ back tog?ther
We are never, ever, ever gettin’ back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never, ever, ever, ever gettin’ back together
Here’s a Dime Go Call Someone Who Cares, Dewayne Bowman
Before Travis Tritt and before public payphone calls cost a quarter, there was Dewayne Bowman…
You tell me that you know you were wrong now
And that you never treated me fair
That you’ll come back if I’ll just forgive you
Here’s a dime just go call someone who cares
Hurricane Season, Tad Overbaugh
You’re just like, hurricane season
You turn blue sky, to the darkest gray
Your wind just wrecks my life
You make everything wrong, that was right
Santa-Self (F_ck Your Christmas Party), Butch Walker
And what about this holiday that makes me crazy
is you always made it all about yourself
and I really used to love you but never more than you do that’s for sure
So I’m not comin’ to your fuckin’ Christmas party no more
(Is it weird that her name was Noel?)
View the rest of the Kiss Off series here.
About the author: Mild-mannered corporate executive by day, excitable Twangville denizen by night.