“More vocals? I’m glad you actually want to hear me. I wish my mother did.” ~ Elia of the Scotland Yard Gospel Choir
Drunk guy: “Do you guys know where the bridge party is?”
Non-drunk guys: “Well there’s a bridge but I don’t see a party.”
~ Overheard at 3am as I crossed the bridge back to my hotel.
“I performed Lionel Richie’s “3 Times a Lady” in the 6th grade talent contest. I came in third and went from social outcast to the most desirable boy on the playground.” ~ Paul Thorn
“It’s not the volume, it’s the sucking that’s the problem.” ~ Name withheld, referring to one of the worst bands that I’ve ever seen.
“Do that one I like.” ~ request from a guy in the crowd (not me) at a Langhorne Slim set.
“We’re only playing songs that we refused to rehearse this afternoon because, as my daddy used to say, it’s good enough for who it’s for.” ~ Syd Straw
“None of these people are actually from Texas, they’re all from New York.” ~ Billy Bragg, referring to the crowd at an afternoon gig.
“Closed, ran out of food” ~ sign on the door of a restaurant whose permanent sign proudly proclaimed “always open.”
“We have to do this interactive shit or the younger people get bored. Then they start texting and shit.” ~ Billy Bragg, commenting on the state of the music industry. I was taking notes on my blackberry at the time.
“Bring me the whole top shelf.” ~ Syd Straw
“We’re taking a vote. I’ll accept a 47 percent majority because this is America.” ~ Billy Bragg, asking the crowd to choose between a Dylan cover and a Shangri-La’s cover. He played both.
“I saw 5 guys [this afternoon] with their pants around their ankles with their belts tight. I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. I thought that they might beat me down but then I realized that you can’t kick someone if you’re moving like this.” ~ Paul Thorn, while trying to kick with his knees locked together.
“Any brits here? It’s a half price sale across America. It’ll teach you right for electing republicans, you bastards.” ~ Billy Bragg
“My band sounds like two dinosaurs fighting.” ~ Jon Dee Graham
“That was so exciting I think we’ll do 9 or 10 ballads.” ~ Syd Straw, after an enthusiastic introduction by uber-fan Beatle Bob.
“Do you know why they call it football? Because you play it with your feet. That game you play should be called running around and catching.” ~ Billy Bragg
“I especially like these 4 ladies right here. They’re shaking their money-makers and making it easier for me.” ~ Paul Thorn
Me, to the woman sitting next to me at the airport lounge while waiting for my flight home: “Are you down here for the conference?”
Woman: “Yea, the renal physician’s conference.”
“This is a song about the first band that I was in. It was called the Nuns. We sucked.” ~ Alejandro Escovedo.
“It’s great to be back at the Toronto film festival. I think it’s the best one yet.” ~ Chuck Prophet.
Me: “What kind of ales do you have?”
Bartender (after an extended blank look): “Well, we’ve got sam adams lager.”
“Stick around for whoever’s next.” ~ Andre Williams
“Jon Dee, you sure are a mother-fucker.” ~ the waitress who brought me my beer at the front of the stage as Jon Dee lit up a blistering solo.
“I love Twangville!” ~ first response from a Los Angeles publicist when we were introduced. Ah shucks.
About the author: Mild-mannered corporate executive by day, excitable Twangville denizen by night.